Ambiamorous Explained: Understanding the Definition of Ambiamory in Relationships

Reading time: 12 minutes

Table of Contents

• Introduction to Ambiamory
• Defining Ambiamory: What Does Ambiamorous Mean?
• The Relationship Structure Spectrum
• Signs You Might Be Ambiamorous
• Navigating Challenges as an Ambiamorous Person
• Communication Strategies for Ambiamorous Relationships
• Real-Life Experiences: Ambiamory in Practice
• Frequently Asked Questions
• Your Relationship Style Journey: Embracing Ambiamory

Introduction to Ambiamory

Have you ever felt caught between relationship worlds—sometimes drawn to the depth of one exclusive partnership while other times feeling capable of loving multiple people simultaneously? If this resonates with you, you might be exploring what many now recognize as ambiamory.

The landscape of modern relationships has expanded far beyond the traditional monogamous model that dominated social narratives for generations. Today, we recognize a rich tapestry of relationship structures that honor the diversity of human connection. Ambiamory represents an important thread in this expanding fabric—one that acknowledges the fluidity of how we love and connect.

Unlike more rigid relationship definitions, ambiamory embraces flexibility and recognizes that relationship preferences can shift throughout one’s life. This concept challenges the binary thinking that suggests people must be either strictly monogamous or strictly polyamorous. Instead, it creates space for the natural evolution of how we form bonds with others.

In this comprehensive guide, we’ll explore what it means to be ambiamorous, how to recognize this orientation in yourself, and how to navigate relationships when your capacity for connection doesn’t fit into conventional boxes. Whether you’re questioning your own relationship style or seeking to understand a partner better, this exploration offers insights into a relationship orientation that’s gaining increasing recognition.

Defining Ambiamory: What Does Ambiamorous Mean?

Ambiamory (combining “ambi-” meaning “both” and “-amory” relating to love) describes the capacity to be fulfilled in either monogamous or polyamorous relationship structures, depending on the specific relationship, circumstances, or personal evolution over time.

The Core of Ambiamorous Identity

An ambiamorous person can genuinely thrive in different relationship models without feeling their authentic self is being compromised. Unlike someone who reluctantly accepts a relationship style that doesn’t align with their true desires, an ambiamorous individual experiences genuine contentment across different relationship configurations.

Dr. Elisabeth Sheff, researcher and author on polyamorous families, explains: “Ambiamorous people have the capacity to be happy in either monogamous or polyamorous relationships. Rather than having a fixed orientation toward either relationship style, their satisfaction depends more on the specific relationships and agreements they establish with partners.”

This flexibility doesn’t indicate indecisiveness or lack of commitment. Instead, it reflects an adaptable approach to relationships that prioritizes connection quality over rigid structural expectations.

Distinguishing Ambiamory from Other Relationship Styles

To understand ambiamory clearly, it helps to distinguish it from related but distinct concepts:

• Monogamy: Exclusive romantic and sexual commitment to one partner.
• Polyamory: The practice of maintaining multiple simultaneous romantic relationships with the knowledge and consent of all partners.
• Non-monogamy: An umbrella term for any relationship structure that isn’t strictly monogamous.
• Relationship anarchy: A philosophy that rejects prescribed hierarchies and rules in relationships, allowing each connection to develop on its own terms.
• Ambiamory: The capacity to be happily fulfilled in either monogamous or non-monogamous relationship structures, depending on the specific relationship or life phase.

The key distinction lies in flexibility versus preference. While someone might prefer polyamory but accept monogamy (or vice versa), an ambiamorous person experiences genuine fulfillment in either structure when the relationship itself is healthy and aligned.

The Relationship Structure Spectrum

Rather than viewing relationship styles as rigid categories, understanding them as points on a spectrum offers a more nuanced perspective. Ambiamory sits at an interesting position on this continuum—not at either pole, but representing movement and flexibility across the spectrum.

Research suggests relationship orientations aren’t always static. A 2020 study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that approximately 20% of participants reported shifts in their preferred relationship structure over their lifetime, supporting the concept that for some people, relationship orientation can be fluid rather than fixed.

Signs You Might Be Ambiamorous

Recognizing ambiamory in yourself can be enlightening, particularly if you’ve felt out of place in strict relationship categories. Here are some potential indicators that might resonate with an ambiamorous orientation:

Internal Experiences and Feelings

• Contextual happiness: You’ve experienced genuine fulfillment in both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships, depending on the specific partner and circumstances.
• Shifting capacity: Your desire for multiple partners or exclusive commitment has naturally ebbed and flowed throughout different life phases.
• Partner-specific orientation: You notice your relationship style preferences adjust based on the specific connection rather than following a rigid internal blueprint.
• Comfort with fluidity: The concept of your relationship preferences changing over time feels natural rather than concerning.
• Circumstantial adaptation: You find your relationship orientation adapts to life circumstances (like location, career demands, or family situations) without feeling like you’re compromising your authentic self.

Morgan, a 34-year-old graphic designer, shares: “For years I thought I was doing relationships wrong because I was perfectly happy in a monogamous relationship for five years, then later found myself equally fulfilled in a polyamorous network. Learning about ambiamory was like finding a missing puzzle piece—I realized my capacity for different relationship styles wasn’t confusion or immaturity, but a valid way of connecting.”

Relationship Patterns and History

Your relationship history might offer clues about an ambiamorous orientation:

• You’ve had fulfilling relationships with different structures without feeling like you were compromising your needs
• Your relationship preferences have evolved not due to pressure but through authentic personal growth
• You’ve noticed your capacity for exclusivity or multiple partnerships shifts depending on specific connections
• You find yourself able to understand and empathize with both monogamous and polyamorous perspectives
• Labels like “strictly monogamous” or “strictly polyamorous” have never quite felt complete in describing your relationship orientation

Remember that exploration takes time, and self-understanding is an ongoing journey. What matters most is honoring your authentic relationship needs rather than trying to fit into prescribed categories.

Navigating Challenges as an Ambiamorous Person

While ambiamory offers flexibility and adaptability, it also presents unique challenges in a world that often expects clear-cut relationship definitions. Understanding these challenges can help you navigate them more effectively.

External Challenges and Misconceptions

Ambiamorous individuals often face misunderstanding from both monogamous and polyamorous communities:

• Perceived indecisiveness: Being ambiamorous might be misinterpreted as being uncertain, fickle, or unwilling to commit to a relationship style.
• Suspicion from established communities: Both monogamous and polyamorous individuals might question whether someone can truly be fulfilled in different relationship structures.
• Pressure to choose: Social and cultural expectations often push people to define themselves within established relationship categories.
• Finding compatible partners: Potential partners with fixed relationship styles might worry about future compatibility if your preferences evolve.

Relationship coach Evie Martinez notes: “One of the biggest challenges ambiamorous clients face is explaining their orientation to potential partners. There’s often an assumption that if someone can be happy in multiple relationship structures, they must not be ‘truly’ committed to the current one—which completely misunderstands how ambiamory works.”

Internal Challenges and Self-Understanding

Beyond external misconceptions, ambiamorous individuals may face internal challenges:

• Self-doubt: Questioning whether your changing preferences reflect confusion rather than a valid relationship orientation
• Internalized pressure: Feeling you should have a more “consistent” approach to relationships
• Communication hurdles: Finding language to explain your orientation when many lack understanding of ambiamory
• Navigating transitions: Managing the emotional journey if your relationship preferences shift within an established relationship

Practical strategies for navigating these challenges include:

1. Develop clear language to explain your ambiamorous orientation to partners and potential partners
2. Connect with supportive communities that understand relationship diversity
3. Practice ongoing self-reflection to distinguish between authentic evolution and external pressure
4. Establish regular check-ins with partners to discuss relationship structure needs and preferences
5. Recognize that relationship orientation is just one aspect of compatibility—values, communication styles, and life goals remain equally important

Communication Strategies for Ambiamorous Relationships

Effective communication is the foundation of any successful relationship, but it becomes particularly crucial when navigating ambiamorous dynamics. Clear, compassionate dialogue helps manage expectations and ensure all partners feel secure as relationship structures evolve.

Starting the Conversation

Discussing ambiamory with current or potential partners requires thoughtfulness and clarity:

• Choose the right timing: Initiate conversations about relationship structure preferences early in dating, but not necessarily on the first date. Look for moments when discussing relationship values feels natural.
• Use clear, accessible language: Rather than just saying “I’m ambiamorous” (which may require explanation), try phrases like “My capacity for relationship structures is somewhat fluid” or “I’ve found I can be fulfilled in both exclusive and non-exclusive relationships, depending on the connection.”
• Focus on your experience: Frame the discussion around your personal journey rather than making it sound like a future request for change. For example: “In my experience, I’ve found that different relationships naturally call for different structures.”
• Invite questions: Create space for partners to express concerns or confusion without defensiveness.

Jamie, a 29-year-old teacher, shares their approach: “When I started dating Alex, I explained that while I was completely happy in our monogamous relationship, my history included both monogamous and polyamorous relationships. I made it clear I wasn’t asking for non-monogamy, just sharing my full relationship history. This opened a dialogue about how we both view relationships and what might evolve over time.”

Ongoing Communication Practices

Maintaining healthy communication throughout an ambiamorous relationship requires intentional practices:

1. Regular check-ins: Establish periodic conversations specifically about relationship structure satisfaction and needs
2. Emotional transparency: Create a safe environment where all partners can express feelings without judgment
3. Clear agreements: Document shared understandings about current relationship boundaries and the process for revisiting them
4. Patience with processing: Recognize that partners may need time to consider and respond to discussions about relationship structure
5. Professional support: Consider working with relationship therapists or coaches familiar with diverse relationship structures when navigating significant transitions

Pro Tip: When discussing potential relationship structure changes, focus first on the relationship values that remain constant (like honesty, respect, and care) before addressing the structural elements that might evolve.

Real-Life Experiences: Ambiamory in Practice

Understanding ambiamory conceptually is one thing, but seeing how it manifests in real relationships provides valuable insight. Here are two case studies that illustrate different experiences of ambiamorous individuals.

Case Study 1: Maya’s Journey Through Relationship Styles

Maya (36) identified as strictly monogamous throughout her twenties, enjoying several exclusive long-term relationships. After her divorce at 31, she found herself drawn to a more open relationship structure and spent three years in a polyamorous network with two consistent partners.

“I used to think people were either monogamous or polyamorous, period. But my experience showed me it wasn’t that simple,” Maya explains. “In my marriage, monogamy felt completely natural and fulfilling. Later, polyamory offered exactly what I needed during a different life phase. Neither experience feels more ‘authentic’ than the other—they were both genuinely me at different points in my journey.”

Currently, Maya is in a monogamous relationship again, not because she felt pressured to choose, but because the specific dynamic with her current partner naturally called for exclusivity. She keeps open communication about her ambiamorous orientation, which has allowed for deeper conversations about what each partner needs from the relationship.

Key insights from Maya’s experience:

• Relationship orientation can evolve naturally throughout life stages
• Both monogamous and polyamorous experiences can be equally authentic
• Specific partnerships may naturally call for different relationship structures
• Open communication about ambiamory facilitates deeper relationship discussions

Case Study 2: Darian’s Partner-Specific Orientation

Darian (42) discovered their ambiamorous orientation through simultaneous rather than sequential experiences. For six years, they maintained two significant relationships with very different structures.

“With Elise, our connection naturally took the form of a committed but non-exclusive partnership. We both had other relationships and supported each other in those connections,” Darian shares. “Simultaneously, my relationship with Marcus evolved into something exclusively monogamous, which felt equally natural and fulfilling with him specifically.”

Rather than finding this contradictory, Darian realized their relationship orientation was partner-specific—different connections called for different structures, even during the same period of life.

“The challenge wasn’t managing the different relationship styles—that felt natural. The challenge was explaining to others how both relationships were equally authentic and committed despite having different structures,” Darian explains.

Eventually, Darian’s relationship with Elise evolved into a deep friendship, while their monogamous partnership with Marcus continues. Darian remains open to either relationship structure in future connections, depending on the specific dynamic.

Key insights from Darian’s experience:

• Ambiamory can manifest as partner-specific relationship structures
• Different relationship structures can exist simultaneously rather than sequentially
• External perceptions often pose greater challenges than the actual relationship dynamics
• Commitment and relationship structure are distinct concepts

Frequently Asked Questions

Is ambiamory just a phase or transition between monogamy and polyamory?

No, ambiamory is a valid relationship orientation in its own right, not simply a transitional phase. While some people may experience a temporary period of uncertainty when shifting between relationship styles, ambiamorous individuals have a sustained capacity to be fulfilled in different relationship structures depending on the specific connection, circumstances, or life phase. Rather than viewing it as indecision, it’s more accurate to understand ambiamory as a form of relational flexibility that remains consistent even as specific relationship preferences may evolve.

How do I know if I’m truly ambiamorous or just trying to please my partners?

This important distinction requires honest self-reflection. Consider whether your flexibility around relationship structures comes from a genuine sense of fulfillment in different models or from a desire to avoid conflict or abandonment. Key questions to ask yourself include: Do I feel authentic and at peace in both relationship structures? Am I compromising core needs to maintain a relationship? Do I experience genuine satisfaction in different relationship models, or just tolerance? Journaling about your feelings in different relationship structures over time can help identify patterns. If you consistently find yourself sacrificing your well-being to maintain a relationship structure, that suggests people-pleasing rather than true ambiamory.

Can relationship orientation change throughout someone’s life?

Yes, research increasingly supports that relationship orientation can be fluid for some people. Just as other aspects of identity and preference can evolve throughout a lifetime, how someone experiences and expresses their capacity for relationships may shift with personal growth, life circumstances, and specific partnerships. This doesn’t invalidate any previous relationship experiences or mean someone was “pretending” before. Rather, it acknowledges the complex, dynamic nature of human connection. For some, orientation remains relatively stable throughout life, while others experience more significant evolution. Both experiences are valid, and neither indicates confusion or lack of self-knowledge.

Your Relationship Style Journey: Embracing Ambiamory

Key Takeaways on Ambiamorous Relationships

• Valid Orientation: Ambiamory represents a genuine capacity to thrive in different relationship structures based on circumstances, connections, and personal evolution.
• Beyond Binary Thinking: Moving past the monogamy/polyamory dichotomy creates space for more nuanced understanding of relationship capacities.
• Communication Foundation: Clear, ongoing dialogue about relationship needs and structures is essential for ambiamorous individuals and their partners.
• Personal Evolution: Relationship orientation can shift throughout life without invalidating previous experiences or suggesting confusion.
• Flexibility as Strength: The adaptability inherent in ambiamory can foster relationships built on authentic connection rather than rigid structural expectations.

As we continue to develop more sophisticated language around relationship diversity, ambiamory offers an important concept for those whose relationship capacities don’t fit neatly into established categories. By understanding and embracing this orientation, individuals can approach relationships with greater authenticity and partners can build connections based on genuine needs rather than prescribed structures.

Remember that your relationship journey is uniquely yours. Whether you identify as ambiamorous, are in a relationship with someone who does, or are simply exploring relationship structures that might fit you best, what matters most is creating connections that honor the authentic needs of everyone involved.

How might recognizing the spectrum of relationship orientations change how you approach your own connections? Perhaps the greatest gift of understanding ambiamory is the permission it gives all of us to prioritize the quality of our relationships over rigid adherence to relationship categories—creating space for love to take the form that best serves each unique connection.

Article reviewed by Michael Reynolds, Licensed therapist helping couples build stronger relationships for 15+ years, on May 2, 2025